Superiority

I just want to look back to where I started not long ago because now I seem to forget where I used to be. I started off very humble, feeling inferior, never thought of him to be any better than anyone else. Where did the humility come from? It is because i just know how lack of knowledge I am, how incapable I am, how small I am in the eyes not only Allah but the whole world. I feel small whenever i face the people, because i always realize I’m lacking in every aspect.

I  just love it so much when people giving you advices to improve myself. People started to teach me a lot of things because I humbly seek for it. They were always there; ready to pull me up whenever I’m down. I always ask questions then for the sake of wanting to know. I just open all doors to correct my mistakes. When I read book, it’s merely because I want to know. I just love and thankful how Allah giving me chance to all this things. So life is full of happiness and satisfaction.

Back then, when I talk to people, I always listen first.i can still remember of how I will not speak a word when people are discussing over an issue and afraid of giving out opinions. It’s merely because I’m afraid I might be wrong. So I wish to listen to others first. So that I don’t be judgmental at all. When I listen then I go back and think, think and think about it over and over again. Just to know what is right what is wrong.

I still remember, the first article I wrote myself, I sent it to others and I wrote a sentence at the beginning of it there, ‘This is an article I found on the internet, what do guys think of the issue’. I just don’t reveal that it was me writing it down, because I know it’s full of mistakes. And I just wish to learn that way when people giving their opinions anonymously.

People might think it is inferiority; I would have to agree with that. But with that inferiority, it comes humble as I don’t feel what I’m writing is right at all. I’m not telling people to take my words, but rather, to correct me if there’s anything wrong. I just love doing it that way. It gives me so much more room to improve, to learn and to correct myself.

I still remember talking to a friend of mine about me feeling so inferior compared to others. I was whining of how I feel so lacking compared to others. I was complaining of how scared I am to write because it might be full of mistakes. Listening to someone with great knowledge talking, it spreads the inferiority within me. But I still remember of him saying to me. “That is why you are special. When you feel inferior, you are just humble. If you think you know more than others, then you’ll be arrogant. When people have more knowledge they tend to be arrogant”

Now, that I’ve walk along the path for while, it seems everything has changed. Now that I know more than before and I am in higher position than before, it changes who I am. I started to treat people with a sense of superiority without realizing it. It just a breed of arrogant. When I talk to people, you might hear it nicely and grammatically correct or in a proper sentence, but I just don’t realize, it full of superiority. I’m talking to others nicely but truly if you can feel the intonation it was if I’m giving orders. When I talk to others, as if  trying to correct their every mistakes as if I’m purrrrfect. Every sentence I said is full or superiority. Sometimes, I just want people to treat me as what my position entails.

And now, I just said everything I have in mind about every issue without any fear that it might be full of mistakes. The worse is, I’m trying to force people to accept it. I just don’t go back to think, think, think, think and think. When I listen to people, it’s just to detect their mistakes and weaknesses. When I write something, I just want people to take note of every single word. I write to tell others what to do as if I know everything about the world.

But of course, all of that happened without me realizing it. It happened without me noticing the arrogance that is hiding in my every action. The superiority and arrogance lies beneath my words, my mind and my thought in a way that is non-distinguishable.

That is merely the evil of the heart. Feeling superior to others is the evil of the heart. I just close all the doors for advices when I talk to people with superiority. Others just don’t want to give me advice anymore, because when I look for advice, I look for it in arrogance and superiority. They started to treat you in a superior way, when In fact you are know better than anyone else in the world.

Position will somehow make you change. It will breed that feeling of superiority. Position and knowledge will make you think you are superior. You will tend to give the same excuses when you act in a superior manner towards others. You will say, ‘Oh, I’m a leader now, I should act that way, or else, those below me wont respect me’. Or you would disguise your superiority giving excuse of, ‘O, I have some knowledge more than others, so I want to share with others’. We disguise our superiority in a hidden fashion, but it actual shape our thought and action.

The feeling of superiority is just the most evil of the heart. Thinking and acting superior will always make you think you are better than anyone else, even in just one aspect.

So, always reflect on the position we have, the little knowledge Allah grants us. When you know you are being superior in your words, your action and your thought, just take a step back, think where used to be and how you are supposed to be. When you give orders and you know it is full of superiority, take a step back to think. We have to start to reflect.

Feeling of superiority comes easily with knowledge and position. The higher you climb, the more superior you feel, when in fact I should not be that way. When we are at the bottom, we always look up but when we are at the top, we seem to forget to look down. You don’t have to step down, but you really have to look down and look back.