Wife Talks, Mother Speaks

Author : Laniaz

“A man marries a woman for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper“. (Bukhari and Muslim)

I am sure all of us have heard this hadith before, and are familiar with it. We are encouraged to look for soleh and musleh woman to be taken as a wife. In deciding to marry a woman, our Prophet s.a.w asked us to give more weight on her piety than all three other characteristics. Yes, i surely agree. We certainly want a wife who is soothing to our heart.

For some men though, we have another criterium that we take into account before we decide on whether we will ask the girl’s hand for marriage. And from my personal experiences, i think this criteria is the most overlooked by women trying to woo their husbands’ heart.

The criterium i am talking about is the way a woman treats their mother-in-law i.e their husbands’ mothers. Our mother, with regard to her being the most important woman to us, we certainly want her to be treated kindly and graciously by all people. Hence, since we will be married to our future zaujah for our whole life (inshaAllah), it is of more importance that we have a zaujah who can treat our moms kindly.

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination.” Luqman : 14

As Allah swt says in the verse above, we have to treat our mother the best that we can due to all the hardships they endured in bearing us. To have our wife treating our mother kindly and graciously will surely be appreciated in our part. In other words, the love our zaujah shows towards our mother, we will consciously or unconsciously translate it as love towards us husbands. It’s really not hard to woo the heart of your husband, just love his mom.

Sadly, as i said previously, this is one criteria overlooked by some married women. They not only do not treat their husbands’ mothers kindly, but they treat their mother in laws badly. Which is for me, a saddening situation.

“And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) “Ugh” nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word”.( Al-Isra: 23)

Again, if Allah swt asks us men to behave this way to our mothers, we surely want our wife to do the same.

I do not think it is hard to show love towards the mother in laws. I will be really happy to have a wife who call and visit my mother once in a while, listen to her when she is telling stories, talk to her when she has problems or saddened by anything, and if there is family gathering or celebrations, maybe if she has some free time, she can help my mom with the house decorating or the cookings.

In short, most men wish for a wife who can make our moms happy having her as a daughter in law. It is not hard isn’t it?

Some of you girls might ask, how can we (the men) know how our future zaujah will behave towards our mothers, if we are not yet married and the girl has not even meet our mother?

It is simple really. We observe how you behave towards the older women. In context of UK Eire, that means how you behave towards ‘kakak-kakak postgrad’ and the wives of the ‘abang-abang postgrad’. If you are kind and gracious towards the ‘kakak-kakak’, we can say you will almost certainly be the same towards our moms.

So, on a cheeky note, be careful the next time you are with the kakak-kakak. Somebody might be watching

Oh, and our moms will be very happy.