Posted by kalam hamba | Posted in Akhlak, Komunikasi, Sosial | Posted on 30-11-2009
(From one Sister To Another)
Life is full of crazy obstacles, but the one that will probably bug you the most and always be getting in the way is the opposite gender. Here, from one sister to another, is a Muslim girl’s guide for how to deal with guys.
How to lose a guy is A Muslim Girl’s Guide For Dealing With Guys those who are not Mahram. It is not steps in breaking up or divorcing. There’s a few NO-NO rules for muslim girls to protect you and yourself.
No Touching! Muslims are forbidden to touch any non-Mahram (Mahram is your dad, brothers, father-in-law, husbands, grandfathers, and the siblings of your parents) person of the opposite gender. That means no patting on the back, no hand shaking, no pushing, no shoving, no holding hands, and obviously no kissing and all that. If you’re in a difficult situation where you think someone will try to shake your hand, the best thing to do is just smile and say, “My people don’t shake hands” and then explain why. And why, is because we believe a woman’s touch is a privilege and she doesn’t just share it with anyone.
No Flirting! Not even with Muslims, not even in an Islamic school, especially not in a masjid! Flirting means that you’re saying or doing things on purpose that make the other person attracted to you. There’s no set criterion for what flirting is, but any girl knows what is and how to do it.
Muslim women are supposed to behave better than the average woman, who has to be beautiful for all the men around her all the time, who are trapped behind their looks and only judge themselves to be worthy if half the men they know are in love with them. A wise dude once said, “Don’t start the mower unless you intend to cut the grass”. If you don’t want a guy’s advances, then don’t do anything to earn them. There’s no point in throwing yourself all over guys and trying to seduce half the world. You really only want to marry one guy, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and chances are he isn’t going to be some dork you fluttered your eyelashes at in high school.
No Boyfriends! As a Muslim, you know that having a boyfriend is haraam because it counts as Zina – fornication. Fornication, in easy English, means ‘sexual sin’. Allah expressly forbids romantic or sexual relationships outside of marriage. When people go against that rule, then you get the typical western society where people play sexual merry-go-round with each other, giving each other STDs, using and abusing each other, and destroying the sacredness of marriage as an institution. You can’t even be sort of engaged to a guy, and then “date” to get to know each other. In Islam, non-Mahram men and women aren’t allowed to be alone together (that includes talking on the phone!), to touch (not even shake hands), or even gaze at each other. It doesn’t matter if the guy you like is Muslim, a great guy and the Prince of England, you can’t date him.
No Boy—friends! The easiest way to ensure that you don’t end up falling in love with some guy before you’re ready to get married is to avoid making friends with boys. Of course in school you have to interact with boys all over the place, but that doesn’t mean you should be best buds with them. Probably 90% of relationships begin from friendships. Chances are you’re not ready for marriage, your parents aren’t ready to let you get married, you’re still in school and your crush is not the sort of fellow you want to spend the rest of your life with, so just avoid being friends with him in the first place. It really is the best formula for saving yourself from needless temptation.
When you have to talk to boys in school as teammates, lab partners, group members, and peers, it’s best to maintain a distance. That means that you don’t confide in them, you don’t let down your guard, you don’t unnecessarily engage them in needless conversation, don’t joke around, and never flirt. Yeah it may be a little hard, but this is your afterlife we’re talking about. So many great sisters have put themselves in really sticky situations because they allowed a boy to get to know them, and either ended up liking the boy, or having the boy like them. once that happens you either end up becoming a pair (which is HARAAM!), or having to end your friendship. Instead of letting it get to that point, and then having to kill a friendship that you probably worked hard on cultivating, you should just stop it before it begins. There are plenty of great girls all around who can be your friends and if you really think only a guy will understand your problem, then talk to your REAL brother, or your father, or an uncle.
No Talking on the Phone with Boys! In Islam its forbidden for non-related guys and girls to be alone together because there is the chance for physical zina, vocal zina, and zina of the eyes. That means, with no one there to watch you guys except that boogery shaitaan, then you might be tempted to actually DO something, or say gross things, or just stare at each other all lustily. With that in mind, it’s also a safe bet to assume that talking on the phone with non-Mahram guys is a no-no too. Why? Because unless you’ve both got it on speaker-phone and you’re chaperoned by a responsible person, then you’re still kind of “alone” with him. The people in your house can’t hear what he’s saying to you, and his family can’t hear what you’re saying to him. There’s a chance for some bad stuff then, so just avoid it. Not to mention, having some dude saying things into your ear that no one else can hear would be gross in real life, why is it okay for him to talk into your ear via the telephone? For the most part it’s just too intimate.
Be Disaffected! What does that mean? Disaffected means un-affect-able. That means that nothing a dude can say can hit your nerves, make you blush, or get a reaction out of you. It also means that you are uninterested in what they do as well. Imagine yourself being in an airplane looking down on the scenery below. You’re a little interested in what’s going on down there, and it may look really nice, but you know that to get to the scenery you have to jump off the plane. Like the scenery miles below you, the guy may look really nice, but you know that to get him you have to jump off the plane …errr…commit spiritual suicide, and though the fall may be fun, you will eventually hit the ground 600 meters below and go -splat– on Judgment Day. Maybe even sooner.
Short of becoming an ice-princess, being disaffected involves putting up a mental wall between you and all of male-kind. They don’t know your thoughts and you don’t care for theirs. You can interact with guys at school within the bounds of Islam, but always maintain a formal distance. Don’t ask a guy how his infected toe is doing. Don’t give him a hug when he looks down. Don’t offer to help him with his homework. Don’t go out of your way to remind him that you exist, and that you’re not half bad looking. Even if you don’t feel like behaving, make yourself behave anyway, your afterlife is important enough to discipline yourself for.
The safest philosophy when dealing with guys is remembering this “He’s not what I want, so why should I do anything to make him interested in me? That’ll just make for a painfully awkward situation and it’s not worth the sin anyhow.”
Remember that you’re always being watched! Would you act all giggly and stupid with boys if the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) could see you? No, right? Because you’d feel like an ungrateful idiot for disregarding the religion that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) took so much pain for just to deliver to you. Well, imagine how ungrateful it is to act like a supreme idiot when Allah can see you all the time, and it’s really stupid to disregard the religion that Allah prescribed, the favors He’s bestowed upon you. How dumb is it to take the eyes that Allah gave you and do things with them that He told you not to? (like goggle at boys?) How much stupider is it that He can see you doing this, and you know it!
You have no secrets! Not because Big Brother (whoever that is…) is watching you, but because every single thing you ever did will become public domain on the Day of Judgment, and you’ll be brought to trial to defend what you did. Just don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want your parents, your siblings, your teachers, your friends, and the whole world to know about, ok?
Sumber: http://www.muslimdiary.com/
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An extremely good article .. a should read article by every muslim .. women need to know their own correct way when dealing with guys .. and guys should know how the women should do so that their family, sister, wife, daughter know and understand the correct way of communication from islamic point of view ..
hohohoh..any girls following the steps will surely lose a guy even in 10 seconds maybe..hoho..but fret not girls and don’t be upset bout it..u realize soon how blessed u are if u manage to refrain urself from any unnecessary interaction..hohoho..Allah will surely grant u a man, good enough to make ur whole life full of joy and blessings, not only in this world but also in the hereafter…heheh
and to the guys, u gonna have to help the girls to lose u..dont be bugging and sticking to them..make easy for them..as if u want a pure untouched wife, so did other guys, so refrain urself from touching others soon to be wives…wokeyhssss???hihihihi..
good article anyway..
People who understand, will agree to this article without a single objection. But the real deal is to make others who do every donts being mentioned above understand as well. I believe people who have ‘modern-liberal’ mindset would find this extreme and irrelevant. So, it’s a challenge for those who understand to deliver the message in a way that is applicable to the ‘liberal’(?) minded society. Afterall, extremist and fundementalist are just all labels given by those who intend to confuse us Muslims. Anyways, good article.
subhanallah…a very excellent n meaningful piece of writing indeed…all of us who actually understand, should take all means necessary to do da’wah regarding this matter to ourselves, as well as the others who maybe Allah hasn’t yet given His Hidayah to, insyaAllah…jzkk ya kalam hamba…
A seriuos article that needed 100% attention by all du’aat. Coupling is so common in Malaysia that people who married without knowing each other (i mean going out dating, frequent chatting, on phone etc) perceived as very weird / too old fashion etc.
I was once attended by a brother from sri lanka who is very disappointed with Malaysian muslims who accept coupling as a ‘must’ before marriage. We are so used to it that we never feel it is a sin, sadly some even being so proud of it. Astaghfirullah !!
[...] jika yovie&nuno punyai sebuah lagu yang bertajuk “menjaga hati”, saya mahu menyampaikan sebuah ‘lagu’ yang bermotifkan “menjaga diri”, melalui artikel “How To Lose A Guy”. [...]
Assalamualaikum…
MashaAllah..this article is great one!
sometime people would ask ‘how would you actually say this is right or this is wrong? how could u tell?’
Well, sister u gave a really good answer with this article!
Oh yes, I believe that our actions would effect our heart. To tell whether what u’re doing is right (especially when it comes to working with a guy) is to ask urself..ask ur heart..”istafti qalbak”
if it triggers the slightest feeling of ’syok’ then there’s something wrong there, I tell ya..
Anyhow, we have to always istighfar back..because syaitan would always interrupt eventhough the purpose of communicating was right in the first place.
InsyaAllah may our mujahadah to be the best muslims be rewarded. Ameen.
Assalammualaikum…
for some of us,it might be quite difficult for them to follow the ‘no-no rules’… BUT, it is not impossible, right? if we try our best, insyaAllah, Allah will make it easy for us…
the rules are there to be followed..
but implementation/practicality is definitely differ depends on individual ..
some people needs more time than others .. biasa la tu ..
jika deal dengan org lain yg mgkn slow sket, jgn pula dipandang rendah etc .. teruskan proses pemahaman ..
rules are still rules .. lagilah rules from Allah
Assalamualaikum..
Just tertanya-tanya, is this all really possible?…i mean dalam dunia sekarang nih, wanita bukan lg mcm dulu..wanita sekarang lg advance dr lelaki..semua tempat wanita ada, pemerintahan, pendidikan, pertanian, perindustrian dan suma laa pendek kata..wanita dan lelaki berada dalam environment yg sama dan taraf yg sama…interaksi xdapat dielakkan, walau dicuba sedaya mana pun, interaksi dalam bekerja dan sebagainya akan berlaku, sesama rakan kerja dan orang bawahan atau atasan, bertanya khabar dan sebagainya sudah menjadi keperluan, bukan lagi sekadar satu pilihan semata-mata..dan kadang-kadang interaksi dalam pekerjaan yg membibitkan rasa cinta dan kasih sayang…hohohoho..mcm manakah?apakah pandangan org lain…hurmmmmm??
waalaikumussalam wrt wbt…
mengenai persoalan nur islam, pd pdpt sy, dalam hubungan lelaki dgn perempuan dlm Islam,’the rule of thumb is to have so-called barrier between ladies n gents’…kemudian, dlm situasi2 tertentu barulah ada rukhsah, atau daruriyyah yg memaksa, yg membolehkan ‘barrier’ ini dilepasi…jd sbg org yg btul2 mengamalkan Islam, yg penting setiap org letak dlm diri masing2 niat dan usaha untuk sentiasa mengamalkan ‘rule of thumb’ yg Allah telah tetapkn, dan dlm keadaan2 terpaksa baru kita ambil rukhsah…dan bukannya jd, org yg dlm kepala, asal boleh nak ‘cross d line’ walhal tak perlu pun nak buat sebegitu…wallahualam…
Artikel ini lebih sesuai dibaca bagi mereka yang memang mencari cara yang sepatutnya untuk berhubungan dengan lelaki ie telah menerima bahawa Islam tidak membenarkan lelaki-perempuan berhubungan pada perkara yang tiada keperluan.
Kalau nak kata zaman dahulu, wanita tidak berada di lapangan pendidikan, perubatan, peperangan etc, rasanya tidak tepat. Sejarah telah membuktikan bahawa Saidatina Khadijah yg terlibat dalam perniagaan, Saidatina Aishah ra sebagai tempat rujukan ilmu, sahabiah2 sbg pembantu perubatan ketika peperangan dan banyak lagi contoh yg menunjukkan bahawa wanita pada zaman Rasulullah turut bersocial menjalankan tanggungjawab mereka kepada masyarakat.
Malah, sebaik Saidina Ali diangkat menjadi khalifah dan berijtihad utk menangguhkan dulu urusan pencarian pembunuh Saidina Uthman ra, Saidatina Aishah ra sendiri yang mengetuai rombongan berjumpa dengan Saidina Ali utk membuat perbincangan.
Namun, semua urusan ini dibuat dengan mengekalkan garis panduan Islam dalam berhubungan dengan mereka yang bukan Muhrim.
Apa2 pun, tanya pada hati.. Saya setuju seperti yang dikatakan oleh penulis artikel ini; setiap wanita itu tahu ‘flirting’ itu apa..Tak perlu org tuding jari atau bgtau! Kalau bertegur sekadar untuk menjaga silaturrahim dan menghormati pihak lain, rsnya tiada salah. Namun, pastikan bahan perbualan bukan merupakan sesuatu yang melalaikan dan bukan keperluan. Sekadarnya sahaja.. Kalau hati rasa ’syok’, baiklah beristighfar dan berundur.
Dalam perkara seperti ini, kekuatan dr diri sendiri yang amat diperlukan. Memang ambil masa, dan perlukan pengorbanan yg besar. Apa2 pun, kita kena berusaha.
Sumber: http://furqaan-alhammasiyy.blogspot.com/2008/04/ikhtilat-bagaimana-caranya.html
Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim
Ikhtilat (pergaulan antara lelaki dan perempuan). Adakah sama sekali tidak boleh? Apakah hukumnya? Mungkin kebanyakan kita pernah mendengar mengenai masalah ini, mungkin juga tidak.
Demi cinta dan sayangku kepada muslimah-muslimah di seluruh dunia, ku cuba menterjemah sedikit secara bebas dari buku Fatawa Al Mar atul Muslimah oleh Dr Yusuf Al Qardhawi, saya hanya mengambil di kesimpulan dari keseluruhan jawapan penanya soalan. Teguran dan nasihat amat diharapkan. Semoga ianya dapat memberi faedah kepada semua khususnya para muslimah insyAllah.
Amma ba’d:
Pertemuan ataupun perjumpaan di antara lelaki dan perempuan tidaklah diharamkan secara mutlak, bahkan harus mahupun dituntut jika tujuannya adalah mulia, memberi manfaat dan menambah amal soleh(seperti menuntu ilmu), membawa kebaikan, dan perkara-perkara yang mana berhajatkan bantuan dan pertolongan dari kedua belah pihak (lelaki dan perempuan) berlandaskan batas-batas, tujuan yang betul dan penguatkuasaan yang berkesan.
Walaupun dibolehkan, kita sama sekali tidak mengabaikan batas-batas dan syariat yang telah ditetapkan oleh Islam :
1. Hendaklah menjaga pandangan oleh kedua-duanya (lelaki dan perempuan jangan gatal menjeling-jeling), tidak memandang kepada aurat, tidak juga memandang dengan syahwat, dan tidak memanjangkan pandangan jika tidak berhajat. Allah SWT berfirman :
Katakanlah kepada orang laki-laki yang beriman: “Hendaklah mereka menahan pandanganya, dan memelihara kemaluannya; yang demikian itu adalah lebih suci bagi mereka, sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yang mereka perbuat”.(30)
Katakanlah kepada wanita yang beriman: “Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya, dan kemaluannya,(31)
An Nuur : 30-31
2. Seorang perempuan hendaklah sentiasa mengenakan pakaian yang disyariatkan dan sopan, menutupi seluruh badannya selain dua tangan dan wajah, tidak jarang (tipis) dan tidak menampak bentuk tubuh, Allah SWT berfirman :
dan janganlah mereka menampakkan perhiasannya, kecuali yang nampak dari padanya. Dan hendaklah mereka menutupkan kain tudung kedadanya, ,(31)
Surah An Nuur : 31
Dikuatkan lagi daripada para sahabat yang dimaksudkan dengan “perhiasan” ialah dua tangan dan wajah.
Allah SWT menjelaskan mengenai pakaian yang sopan, firmanNya :
Yang demikian itu supaya mereka lebih mudah untuk dikenal, karena itu mereka tidak di ganggu. (59)
Al Ahzab: 59
Perempuan muslimah yang sopan berbeza pakaian mereka dari perempuan yang semberono perangainya, dia juga tidak berakhlak buruk, dengan itu setiap yang memandang pakaian dan akhlaknya, pasti akan menghormati dan menyeganinya.
3. Sentiasa berakhlak muslimah pada setiap perkara, terutama ketika bermuamalat dengan lelaki :
i. Percakapan , hendaklah menjauhi dari suara yang boleh merangsang dan membangkitkan perasaan, Allah SWT berfirman :
Maka janganlah kamu tunduk dalam berbicara sehingga berkeinginanlah orang yang ada penyakit dalam hatinya dan ucapkanlah perkataan yang baik,(32)
Al Ahzab : 32
ii. Berjalan, Allah SWT berfirman :
Dan janganlah mereka memukulkan kakinya agar diketahui perhiasan yang mereka sembunyikan (31)
An Nuur : 31
Allah SWT menyifatkan sopan santun seorang perempuan dengan firmanNya :
Kemudian datanglah kepada Musa salah seorang dari kedua wanita itu berjalan kemalu-maluan (25)
Surah Al Qashah :25
iii. Pergerakan, tidak berlenggok, seperti yang disifatkan dalam hadith sebagai (berlenggok itu adalah perempuan) dan tidak berhias (tabarruj) seperti yang dilakukan oleh wanita-wanita jahiliyyah dahulu mahupun sekarang.
4. Menjauhi bau-bauan ataupun wangi-wangian yang boleh membuatkan lelaki tertarik dengannya, dan menjauhi juga warna-warna terang dan terlampau menarik yang mana sepatutnya hanya dipakai dirumah bukannya ketika perjumpaan dengan lelaki.
5. Jangan sesekali membiarkan hanya seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan berjumpa tanpa mahram disisi mereka, ianya ditegah dengan sebuah hadith sahih mengenainya, (Sesungguhnya yang ketiga daripada keduanya ialah syaitan), tidak patut membiarkan api dan kayu bersama (makin ‘terbakar’ la kalau dibiarkan berdua). Yang patut diambil berat juga ialah kaum keluarga terdekat, seperti ayah mertua, ipar dan sesiapa pun yang bukan mahramnya daripada berduaan.
6. Hendaklah sepanjang perjumpaan itu hanya dalam lingkungan hajat (cth: mesyuarat) dan perkara-perkara yang diperlukan, tidak perlu hendak memanjangkan dengan perkara luar dari hajat itu tadi dengan berbual-bual kosong, bergosip-gosipan, ataupun perkara-perkara yang boleh mengabaikan kerja sebenar yang amat suci seorang perempuan, iaitu tanggungjawabnya di rumah dan pertarbiyahan bangsa(anak-anak).
Penuhilah syarat-syarat ini, bukan untuk menyusahkan kita, bahkan demi kebaikan bersama, kerana Allah SWT tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya yang taat. Lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik, perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki yang baik, dengan keyakinan ini, marilah disaat ini kita mula menjadi seorang yang terbaik disisiNya insyAllah.
Wallahu Ta’ala A’lam
Rujukan :
Fatawa Al Mar atul Muslimah oleh Dr Yusuf Al Qardhawi, maktabah wahbah, cetakan pertama 1996 m – 1416 h
huh komen k.saadah boleh buat satu article lain kot~ hahaha panjang btol komennye…. abeh exam saye bace~kikiki…insyaAllah
hahaha..tulah.akak pon pk yang sama sebenarnya.
Admin ataphijau tolong laa buat mana yang patut yer..